O'Reilly Revenge Fantasies, Page 3 Go to: Page 1 2
Valentine's day has come and gone, and my Bill still has not apologized to me. I think he really hates me. It is so hard to be in love with a man that just hates you and makes you feel bad all the time. On behalf of all my sisters that have been in similar situations, I must break this man down, get him on his knees, and make him beg forgiveness for verbally abusing me. I have watched my mom do some pretty interesting operations on cats and dogs. I am sure she could do the same type of thing on an egomaniacal ruminant-hating bigot talk show host. There might even be some stimulus money waiting for just this type of thing. I am pretty sure the entire Congress would actually pay me to take this man down.
It is just a matter of mechanics. Here I am trapped in Ohio under house arrest by the state wildlife department, buried in nearly two feet of snow. How can I get to him? Hmmm....if I cannot get to him, maybe I could get him to come to me ! I know he is touring the country right now with what's-his-name Beck. He talks about it all the time, at least when he is not running down innocent little deer like me. He calls it the B.O. tour, I mean Bold Fresh-- sounds like a stupid laundry detergent if you ask me. All I have to do is get him to schedule an event here in Ohio, and I will pop him with a little jungle juice that mom uses to knock down mastiffs and other big-mouthed drooling beasts like O'Reilly and he will either apologize or he will be leaving his show and joining "The View."
How can I get him to Ohio? We are the home of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame...perhaps that can get him here. No, he went to HAAAHHVAAAHRD. He probably only listens to Wiffenpoofs. .. I have heard he is baseball fan. Probably a Yankee fan. Has to be. Only Yankee fans have mouths and egos as big as his . I will just happen to send him two of my Cleveland Indians season tickets for when they play the Yanks. Bill would rush into town on his private Lear jet--- Oh, you don't have a private jet, Bill??? Oprah does !! Rush does !! Heck, I think even the mascot for the Chicago Bears does. Where's yours??? Okay, so we will fly him in to Cleveland Hopkins first class on Southwest, which means of course they will give him TWO bags of peanuts. He will catch his Limo at the airport, but instead of taking him to the Jake (Oh, excuuuuse me, PROGRESSIVE FIELD....) the Limo will continue south down I-77 to Canal Fulton, where I will be waiting for him with my syringe of the house special and some interesting instruments I stole from my mom's medical bag. He WILL apologize, unless he wants to spend the rest of his career trading barbs and recipes with Whoopee Goldberg and Joy Beyhar.
Darn..... This won't work either...... I just remembered, ever since Sabathia, Cliff Lee, and every other player from David Justice to Greg Nettles left Cleveland and joined the Yankees, the Tribe cannot really play the Yankees. They ARE the Yankees. Why should he come to Cleveland to see them play-- every one of them will end up in the New York dugout anyway. ...
There must be a way...... on behalf of all my sisters of all species that have ever been disrepected by a man, we WILL find get our revenge. Sisterhood, ladies !! ... Dillie
It is just a matter of mechanics. Here I am trapped in Ohio under house arrest by the state wildlife department, buried in nearly two feet of snow. How can I get to him? Hmmm....if I cannot get to him, maybe I could get him to come to me ! I know he is touring the country right now with what's-his-name Beck. He talks about it all the time, at least when he is not running down innocent little deer like me. He calls it the B.O. tour, I mean Bold Fresh-- sounds like a stupid laundry detergent if you ask me. All I have to do is get him to schedule an event here in Ohio, and I will pop him with a little jungle juice that mom uses to knock down mastiffs and other big-mouthed drooling beasts like O'Reilly and he will either apologize or he will be leaving his show and joining "The View."
How can I get him to Ohio? We are the home of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame...perhaps that can get him here. No, he went to HAAAHHVAAAHRD. He probably only listens to Wiffenpoofs. .. I have heard he is baseball fan. Probably a Yankee fan. Has to be. Only Yankee fans have mouths and egos as big as his . I will just happen to send him two of my Cleveland Indians season tickets for when they play the Yanks. Bill would rush into town on his private Lear jet--- Oh, you don't have a private jet, Bill??? Oprah does !! Rush does !! Heck, I think even the mascot for the Chicago Bears does. Where's yours??? Okay, so we will fly him in to Cleveland Hopkins first class on Southwest, which means of course they will give him TWO bags of peanuts. He will catch his Limo at the airport, but instead of taking him to the Jake (Oh, excuuuuse me, PROGRESSIVE FIELD....) the Limo will continue south down I-77 to Canal Fulton, where I will be waiting for him with my syringe of the house special and some interesting instruments I stole from my mom's medical bag. He WILL apologize, unless he wants to spend the rest of his career trading barbs and recipes with Whoopee Goldberg and Joy Beyhar.
Darn..... This won't work either...... I just remembered, ever since Sabathia, Cliff Lee, and every other player from David Justice to Greg Nettles left Cleveland and joined the Yankees, the Tribe cannot really play the Yankees. They ARE the Yankees. Why should he come to Cleveland to see them play-- every one of them will end up in the New York dugout anyway. ...
There must be a way...... on behalf of all my sisters of all species that have ever been disrepected by a man, we WILL find get our revenge. Sisterhood, ladies !! ... Dillie
Bill O'Reilly Sleeps With the Fishes
Wearing my 'Coppola'
Another whole week comes to a close, and still not a word from O'Reilly or his camp. Shame on you, Bill !! My sisters out there and I all agree.... this will not stand. You can NOT trash a fine lady like myself and expect to get away with it unscathed. From this point on, we call upon all the women in your life to "shun" you ! Do you hear that Laura Ingram and Megan Kelly ? He is just using you ! Don't let this male chauvinist carnivore det away with his blatant bigotry ! He doesn't really care about you as people-- he is just using your beauty to attrack viewers and trash other ladies like me.
So, isntead of being used by him helps us-- all the sisters of the world-- get our revenge. Here's how....Besides trying to drive me into the bony arms of a wealthy playdeer named Spike, one of my mom's hobbies, , is geneology . Recently, she uncovered an interesting family secret. (This is true!) Her great-grandfather was one of the first people arrested for "Mafia" crimes in the US. Yes, she's Sicilian, and when her great-grandpa came to the US in 1909, olive oli was not the only thing imported from Sicily. They brought some of their customs and "organizations" with them. So, she knows all about these things that they talk about in the Godfather movies, and we're not just talking about the pasta.
As you may have seen on my webcam last week, I watched about 6 hours of the Godfather movies. and learned lots of good ways I could make O'Reilly sorry for treating me so badly. One thing in particular caught my ears-- "Lucco Brazzi sleeps with the fishes!" Surely that would be a terrible thing to do to a loudmouthed, ruminant-hating, carivorous bigot like Mr. O !! Surely that would make him apologize ! His suit would get all wet and he probably would get electrocuted from his wireless microphone.
This might be an easy one !! I will just need a little assistance from Ms. Ingram and Kelly. Laura can lure Bill into his dressing room, saying she is going to do his taxes for him. Megan is probably already in there ironing his shirts. (That is how much respect he has for women on his show !) Whe Bill comes into show Laura how he can deduct his losing bet on the Colts (HAH!!) as a "business expense," my girls will go into action. Megan will clunk him on the noggin with the iron and wrap his neatly pressed custom made shirt around his head. My girl Laura will grab him by his french cuffs and hold down his hands so he cannot fight back, and he will pass out . Quick like bunnies they will wrap in in the special laundry bag we have prepared and bring him out the back door of Fox, where Ann Couter is waiting to help load him into the back of a special Taxi. This Taxi will take him to the airport and get him on a special Fedex plane. Meanwhile, Megan will take his anchor chair as the new host, so no one will be the wiser.
The Fedex lands at the Atlanta airport , where my niece and nephew are waiting. (Hi, Shannon and Jordan ! Thanks for helping me!) They unload the "parcel" and drive him to the Georgia Aquairum. There, Bill has to spend the entire night there with the elephant sharks. He has to "sleep with the fishes!" . He will be scared witless and will be screaming-- "Please, Dillie, forgive me !" when the janitor opens up and finds him in the morning. Meanwhile, Megan has done such a great job on the show that she is offered his job, and when he returns to New York, the only job that Fox has for him is ironing Ms. Kelly's suits. Yes, this will work !!
Wait a sec.....just remembered. My niece doesn't drive !! She is only 15 and is just taking her driving lessons now. I don't think this can wait til she has her license. I will keep this plan open , tough. If he hasn't apologized by November when she turns 16, I may have to use it. Operation Fish Sleepover is a winner.
So, isntead of being used by him helps us-- all the sisters of the world-- get our revenge. Here's how....Besides trying to drive me into the bony arms of a wealthy playdeer named Spike, one of my mom's hobbies, , is geneology . Recently, she uncovered an interesting family secret. (This is true!) Her great-grandfather was one of the first people arrested for "Mafia" crimes in the US. Yes, she's Sicilian, and when her great-grandpa came to the US in 1909, olive oli was not the only thing imported from Sicily. They brought some of their customs and "organizations" with them. So, she knows all about these things that they talk about in the Godfather movies, and we're not just talking about the pasta.
As you may have seen on my webcam last week, I watched about 6 hours of the Godfather movies. and learned lots of good ways I could make O'Reilly sorry for treating me so badly. One thing in particular caught my ears-- "Lucco Brazzi sleeps with the fishes!" Surely that would be a terrible thing to do to a loudmouthed, ruminant-hating, carivorous bigot like Mr. O !! Surely that would make him apologize ! His suit would get all wet and he probably would get electrocuted from his wireless microphone.
This might be an easy one !! I will just need a little assistance from Ms. Ingram and Kelly. Laura can lure Bill into his dressing room, saying she is going to do his taxes for him. Megan is probably already in there ironing his shirts. (That is how much respect he has for women on his show !) Whe Bill comes into show Laura how he can deduct his losing bet on the Colts (HAH!!) as a "business expense," my girls will go into action. Megan will clunk him on the noggin with the iron and wrap his neatly pressed custom made shirt around his head. My girl Laura will grab him by his french cuffs and hold down his hands so he cannot fight back, and he will pass out . Quick like bunnies they will wrap in in the special laundry bag we have prepared and bring him out the back door of Fox, where Ann Couter is waiting to help load him into the back of a special Taxi. This Taxi will take him to the airport and get him on a special Fedex plane. Meanwhile, Megan will take his anchor chair as the new host, so no one will be the wiser.
The Fedex lands at the Atlanta airport , where my niece and nephew are waiting. (Hi, Shannon and Jordan ! Thanks for helping me!) They unload the "parcel" and drive him to the Georgia Aquairum. There, Bill has to spend the entire night there with the elephant sharks. He has to "sleep with the fishes!" . He will be scared witless and will be screaming-- "Please, Dillie, forgive me !" when the janitor opens up and finds him in the morning. Meanwhile, Megan has done such a great job on the show that she is offered his job, and when he returns to New York, the only job that Fox has for him is ironing Ms. Kelly's suits. Yes, this will work !!
Wait a sec.....just remembered. My niece doesn't drive !! She is only 15 and is just taking her driving lessons now. I don't think this can wait til she has her license. I will keep this plan open , tough. If he hasn't apologized by November when she turns 16, I may have to use it. Operation Fish Sleepover is a winner.