O'Reilly Revenge Fantasies, Page 2 Go to Page 1 ... 3
2/8/2010 Today, I found out that Mr. O'Reilly sent flowers to journalist Helen Thomas for calling her a witch. So, it seems he CAN apologize after all. He hasn't sent me any flowers, though ! Ms. Thomas probably doesn't even eat flowers like I do, so way to go, Bill, you should have sent chocolates. Now, I am even madder at him. Today, my revenge fantasy could just become reality,...
It occurred to me that even though Bill is a loud-mouthed carnivorous ruminant-hating bigot, he is surrounded by people on Fox that are pretty nice. I loved the local reporter from Fox, Mark Zinni. He was super-nice. He knows I am not a serial murderer like Bill says I am. So, perhaps I could get one of those nice people around Bill to realize the error of his ways.
I am going to start with Dennis Miller. He seems really sweet. I listen to him on the radio sometimes and he makes me laugh. We like the same type of music, too. I might be able to get him to help me force Bill to apologize. I watched an episode of "Mythbusters" where they showed that non-dairy coffee creamer was more explosive than weapons grade uranium. I have that creamer every day in my Baby's Key West Coffee. I can take the creamer and put it into some jars, sew it into a vest for Mr. Miller to wear under his suit jacket, and wire a electric switch to it. I can chew off the cable to the webcamera in my room here for wires. When Mr. Miller goes on the show, wearing the vest under his suit, he will tell Bill how he has wronged me and he has to apologize. When he refuses, he will throw open his suit jacket, and show him the vest I made and put his thumb on the switch. He'll shout: "Apologize to Dillie and no one gets hurt !" Bill seeing the coffee creamer and knowing that it is a potential thermonuclear device, will beg forgiveness. Dennis will wink at me and he and Bill will enjoy a cup of Baby's Hair of the Dog, extra strong, with lots of creamer in it.
No, this just won't work. It does sound very eco-friendly, but this won't work. The Fox studio just installed new body scanners that are programmed to detect Coffee Mate. Miller will never get past security. I must think of another way... Dillie
It occurred to me that even though Bill is a loud-mouthed carnivorous ruminant-hating bigot, he is surrounded by people on Fox that are pretty nice. I loved the local reporter from Fox, Mark Zinni. He was super-nice. He knows I am not a serial murderer like Bill says I am. So, perhaps I could get one of those nice people around Bill to realize the error of his ways.
I am going to start with Dennis Miller. He seems really sweet. I listen to him on the radio sometimes and he makes me laugh. We like the same type of music, too. I might be able to get him to help me force Bill to apologize. I watched an episode of "Mythbusters" where they showed that non-dairy coffee creamer was more explosive than weapons grade uranium. I have that creamer every day in my Baby's Key West Coffee. I can take the creamer and put it into some jars, sew it into a vest for Mr. Miller to wear under his suit jacket, and wire a electric switch to it. I can chew off the cable to the webcamera in my room here for wires. When Mr. Miller goes on the show, wearing the vest under his suit, he will tell Bill how he has wronged me and he has to apologize. When he refuses, he will throw open his suit jacket, and show him the vest I made and put his thumb on the switch. He'll shout: "Apologize to Dillie and no one gets hurt !" Bill seeing the coffee creamer and knowing that it is a potential thermonuclear device, will beg forgiveness. Dennis will wink at me and he and Bill will enjoy a cup of Baby's Hair of the Dog, extra strong, with lots of creamer in it.
No, this just won't work. It does sound very eco-friendly, but this won't work. The Fox studio just installed new body scanners that are programmed to detect Coffee Mate. Miller will never get past security. I must think of another way... Dillie
Revenge Fantasy 4: Bill, Me, and a Lifeboat...
Bill was so busy last night on his show talking about totally stupid things like terrorism, the economy, and elections, he barely even looked at me. I think he wants to apologize. He doesn't really mean to hurt the feeling of a sweet little girl like me, does he? I know he just wants to apologize, he just hasn't had the chance. So, I think I have the way to fix it so he has that chance.
I have saved up some pennies from winning the Zoombak GPS Video Contest, and actually have enough to get two tickets to a two day cruise to the Bahamas. I will send him one of the tickets, with a note that a very lovely doe-eyed lady is waiting to meet him on this cruise. One that has an international following and has her own broadcast every night. Thinking he is actually going to meet Katie Couric, he will jump at the chance to meet me.
Once the cruise ship launches, I will have a steward pull the "Get to your lifeboat! The Ship was struck by a militant Beluga whale Alarm" . It's amazing what you can buy with a pack of cigarettes and a pack of gum. The steward will be so happy to get his Juicy Fruit, he will drop all the cute animals he was making out of towels and run off and pull the alarm. When Bill gets in his lifeboat, there I will be. Nothing and no one to keep him alive as he drifts at sea in shark infested waters for days but my stash of bottled water, Balvenie Scotch, Peanut M&M's and me, Dillie. If he doesn't apologize, I will just keep drinking my scotch and waters and poppin my M&M's til he is desperate for food and drink. Until his skin is blistered and bleeding from sunburn and his parched lips can barely whisper "I AM SORRY, DILLIE!!" .
Nope, nope, nope. This is not going to work. I totally forgot. I am too young to buy scotch. My mom and dad would never allow it. Maybe I can get one of the cats to let me borrow their state ID. .. This plan needs some work.
Dillie
I have saved up some pennies from winning the Zoombak GPS Video Contest, and actually have enough to get two tickets to a two day cruise to the Bahamas. I will send him one of the tickets, with a note that a very lovely doe-eyed lady is waiting to meet him on this cruise. One that has an international following and has her own broadcast every night. Thinking he is actually going to meet Katie Couric, he will jump at the chance to meet me.
Once the cruise ship launches, I will have a steward pull the "Get to your lifeboat! The Ship was struck by a militant Beluga whale Alarm" . It's amazing what you can buy with a pack of cigarettes and a pack of gum. The steward will be so happy to get his Juicy Fruit, he will drop all the cute animals he was making out of towels and run off and pull the alarm. When Bill gets in his lifeboat, there I will be. Nothing and no one to keep him alive as he drifts at sea in shark infested waters for days but my stash of bottled water, Balvenie Scotch, Peanut M&M's and me, Dillie. If he doesn't apologize, I will just keep drinking my scotch and waters and poppin my M&M's til he is desperate for food and drink. Until his skin is blistered and bleeding from sunburn and his parched lips can barely whisper "I AM SORRY, DILLIE!!" .
Nope, nope, nope. This is not going to work. I totally forgot. I am too young to buy scotch. My mom and dad would never allow it. Maybe I can get one of the cats to let me borrow their state ID. .. This plan needs some work.
Dillie
Revenge Fantasy 5: Death by Vocabulary
I am beginning to think Bill is pretending not to even notice me just to make me mad. He knows I am out here everynight, crying with a broken heart, as he flirts with all the viewers. He doesn't call THEM homicidal maniacs. No ! Only me ! Yet he doesn't call, he doesn't write, he doesn't send me roses, he doesn't even tap out "I am sorry, Dillie" with his "Patriot Pen" in morse code. How can he be so heartless?
I WILL get even.
Each night he ends the show with some stupid show-offy word to impress his viewers and make them think he is soooo smart. As if he even knew the word before he had some underpaid intern look it up for him. I know better. But maybe this is a way I can get back at him.
If I could just reach my American Express Card (Green Alfafa Edition) that I got in the mail last month....got it ! Now, let me sneak off to my mom's office and get on the internet. www.....amazon....dot ....com. That sounds like a store that animals can order things in...it's named after a jungle after all. User name: "Dillie" password: eatcud... wow! They have a lot of selection. Here is what I need: I-Verbose: Giant Electronic Thesaurus, Egomaniacal News Host Edition. Perfect !!
I will order this and have it sent to me. Just a few alterations here and there in the electronics, a few grams of home-made C-4 that I whip up from left over oatmeal, Fruit Loops, and pancake syrup...and Voila ! When Bill's underpaid intern goes to look up his latest fancy-schmancy word of the night and presses the "find" button...KERBLEWIE ! No more intern.....just little shredded pieces of greasy grimy "gofer" guts everywhere. Bill will read the card and know it was me and apologize immediately.
Oh no.....what do you mean my Amex card was declined? I thought I made a payment last month. Did they not get the hay I sent? They said they neded some green.....darn. He will never apologize now.....
"Bill.... I love you so, I always will....." Love, Dill
I WILL get even.
Each night he ends the show with some stupid show-offy word to impress his viewers and make them think he is soooo smart. As if he even knew the word before he had some underpaid intern look it up for him. I know better. But maybe this is a way I can get back at him.
If I could just reach my American Express Card (Green Alfafa Edition) that I got in the mail last month....got it ! Now, let me sneak off to my mom's office and get on the internet. www.....amazon....dot ....com. That sounds like a store that animals can order things in...it's named after a jungle after all. User name: "Dillie" password: eatcud... wow! They have a lot of selection. Here is what I need: I-Verbose: Giant Electronic Thesaurus, Egomaniacal News Host Edition. Perfect !!
I will order this and have it sent to me. Just a few alterations here and there in the electronics, a few grams of home-made C-4 that I whip up from left over oatmeal, Fruit Loops, and pancake syrup...and Voila ! When Bill's underpaid intern goes to look up his latest fancy-schmancy word of the night and presses the "find" button...KERBLEWIE ! No more intern.....just little shredded pieces of greasy grimy "gofer" guts everywhere. Bill will read the card and know it was me and apologize immediately.
Oh no.....what do you mean my Amex card was declined? I thought I made a payment last month. Did they not get the hay I sent? They said they neded some green.....darn. He will never apologize now.....
"Bill.... I love you so, I always will....." Love, Dill