2/6/2010 How can I get back at Mr. O'Reilly for breaking my heart? Despite what he said, I am a very passive animal and would never hurt anyone. If I were to hurt someone, though, he would be first on my list. Since I don't have canine teeth like a big mean dog, all I can really do is nibble him to death. This would probably not work, as it would take too long and he would run away. What, however, would happen if perhaps I had one of my wild cousins follow him home and block his way into his driveway, ramming their antlers into his radiator grill, spilling antifreeze on the ground, and another of my deer cousins would soak up the antifreeze with a towel, wring it into a glass, then hand it to him, telling him its a Mountain Dew. By the time he returned to work the next day he would be in fatal kidney failure, and if he doesn't apologize, I won't tell him where I have hidden the antidote. No, I don't think that would work.... he'd be suspicious of the deer handing him the drink because deer and other herbivores aren't allowed in his gated carnivore community. Bigot. I will have to think of another way....Dillie.
2/7/2010 Another day has passed and still no apology from Mr. O'Reilly. We had 16 inches of snow today, and I had plenty of time to sit and think of ways to get my revenge on him. My idea today involves Mr. O'Reilly being stuck in an elevator, with Barny Frank, Rahm Emanuel, and Rosie O'Donnell....and someone just happened to leave a baseball bat in the elevator..... How to lure him in there....I can call him up and pretend to be his boss, and tell him he had to come up to the top floor to talk to me because of the thousands of complaints they are getting because he broke my heart. When he gets on the elevator, the crowd will be waiting for him because someone has called them and told them that Bill was going to personally apologize to them on live TV... They will take one look at him and start screaming and of course he will scream back. The elevator will go up two floors and get stuck, because I have hacked into the electronics and programmed it to get stuck when the decibel level gets too high. When Frank reaches for the emergency phone, he will find the Louisville Slugger I have hidden in there, and he won't be able to contain himself. No....I don't think this will work....there is no way anyone would believe O'Reilly would ever apologize on live tv, and there would never be enough room in an elevator for four people and O'Reilly's ego, too. Sigh ! Back to the drawing board. ....Dillie.
2/7/2010 Another day has passed and still no apology from Mr. O'Reilly. We had 16 inches of snow today, and I had plenty of time to sit and think of ways to get my revenge on him. My idea today involves Mr. O'Reilly being stuck in an elevator, with Barny Frank, Rahm Emanuel, and Rosie O'Donnell....and someone just happened to leave a baseball bat in the elevator..... How to lure him in there....I can call him up and pretend to be his boss, and tell him he had to come up to the top floor to talk to me because of the thousands of complaints they are getting because he broke my heart. When he gets on the elevator, the crowd will be waiting for him because someone has called them and told them that Bill was going to personally apologize to them on live TV... They will take one look at him and start screaming and of course he will scream back. The elevator will go up two floors and get stuck, because I have hacked into the electronics and programmed it to get stuck when the decibel level gets too high. When Frank reaches for the emergency phone, he will find the Louisville Slugger I have hidden in there, and he won't be able to contain himself. No....I don't think this will work....there is no way anyone would believe O'Reilly would ever apologize on live tv, and there would never be enough room in an elevator for four people and O'Reilly's ego, too. Sigh ! Back to the drawing board. ....Dillie.
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